she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
