If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
