Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize