I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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