Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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