i jhust puked up my retainher.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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