1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
