if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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