i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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