i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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