Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
