We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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