You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
operation harelip BJ is a go
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
