cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize