If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
