Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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