So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
