I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
