have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
