Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
