I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
