After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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