Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
