Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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