i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
