Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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