I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My life is pants optional.
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