Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
