Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
