Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The best revenge is premature balding
Life is so much better after having sex.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
