The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
