Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
