Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
