HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
