That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize