I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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