Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
