you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
