i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
And then he peed in my hair
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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