he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
