Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
