we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
