A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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