DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
