Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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