Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
