And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize