if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
