are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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