I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
