my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
