I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
