You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
