I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
And then he peed in my hair
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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