I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
