The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
