and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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