No awkward lesbian experiences without me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
