if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
