careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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