woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
