his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
