She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
As shirtless as possible
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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