i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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